The 30 Day Challenge

Another Monday comes around, and I find myself back at a blank document. About one week ago I decided to quit my job and start an experiment with myself. I told myself I would take 30 days to strictly pursue my own interests, hobbies, and turn them into a business. And see what happens. I also told myself I would publish a blog post once a week. So, here we are.

What are my rules for myself? How do I structure my time? Here. I'll tell you. . .

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During the past week, I have shown up to my desk, and worked a 9-5 for myself. Here are my rules for myself:

• Always “clock in” on time.
• Track your achievements
• Stay focused on your goals. Don’t add any “side quests.”

So what is the 30 Day Challenge? For me, the 30 Day Challenge means saying NO to everyone but myself, if only for 30 days. My entire life, I have poured myself into someone else’s cup. I have tried to squish myself to fit everyone else’s mold, all while a little voice nestled itself in my head.

The voice said, “I wish…” Something. I wish I could get that special clothing top. I wish I could redecorate my room. I wish I had pink sheets instead of black. I wish I had more time to draw. I wish I could be as bold and brave as everyone I see on the internet.
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As time went on, I slowly detached from my wants. I believed they were frivolous and unnecessary instead of what they really are: the echoes of my soul and identity.

I would let myself get carried away by what I believed everyone wanted of me until I no longer recognized myself. One day, I knew I couldn’t continue to be a shell of who I once was anymore. So I quit, and started this experiment. 

​Now, saying YES to yourself, does not necessarily mean saying YES to every single item. For instance,

I'm not going to throw myself into crippling debt just because I have the random thought to grab some expensive item. Instead, it means truly listening to that thought, and saying, "Yes, you deserve that." instead of "Why would you think of something so bizarre and expensive?"
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Maybe you are not purchasing that item, but you are telling yourself it is good to want good things for yourself. This is the road to healing your worth wound.

It’s important to note that it’s not easy to say YES to yourself, when you’re so used to saying NO. Constantly, I feel self doubt creeping up on me. It’s so easy to want to revert to what you once knew. The security that brings. Though what would be the point? To be right back at where I was over a week ago? No. So I let my little experiment play out. If only to see what happens.

List below are some of the tools I use to keep myself on track.

• Emails. I treat myself like a full team, and email myself to complete tasks. I talk to myself as if I am a teammate, and show appreciation for the work that I’ve already completed.
• Google sheets. I created a template for myself to track my achievements, successes, goals, and accomplishments. I also track what I do each hour of the day, and what I want to improve on so that if something goes awry, I can analyze my past behavior to fix it.
• White boards. I write out the different “legs” of my business so that I can track how much time I spend in each category

From what I’ve noticed, it’s also tempting to try to add new ideas or goals to the picture once I’m already here. It’s dangerously easy to get distracted, and sit back, thinking to yourself, and creating new (useless) ideas. I saw a post the other day that said the secret to being more of an artist is cutting down the time between ideation and execution.

When your time constantly belongs to someone else, ideation is all you have. You sit at a desk at work, selling your labor to someone else, and all you can do is think about the things you wish you could be doing right now. Customer service smile, I wish I could be reading that new book, you think. Typing out reports, I wish I could be painting, drawing, writing, you think.

What I may have been ill prepared for, is your body still wants to stay in ideation-mode, even when you have time to start doing things for yourself.

Idea-mode is safe. It is free of failure. It is free of confrontation, critique, and the reality that maybe you’re not as good as you think you are.

This past week I picked up the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a #@%! by Mark Manson. The writing style is humorous and easy to get into, and I absolutely love it so far. It speaks to the idea that human suffering happens entirely as a result of taking things too seriously. For example, after I published my first blog post, I sat back in my chair. A rush of self accomplishment filled my bones. I did it! Then it was quickly extinguished by the thought, Wait. What do I do next?

For about a week I wrote and rewrote a second blog post. Gutted it, then wrote it again. Great, now I’m overthinking.

So, I decided to take a page from The Subtle Art… and stop giving a F. My second blog post will be what it is, and then I’ll move onto the third. Either way, the simple act of putting yourself out there, of publishing your work, means you will fail. The attachment to “success” is what creates the paralysis of “I should have done better.” No, you shouldn’t have. Let the world see that maybe, you don’t know what you’re doing, and you do it anyway.

It’s important to accept yourself where you’re at. And for me, where I’m at is writing a blog post about the anxiety of writing a blog post.

All I know is I love to write, so I’ll get through it. 

One of my favorite moments from The Subtle Art... talks about how often we expend energy worrying about things that are absolutely unnecessary, and freedom is created when you let go of your idea of how you want things to be. Social media constantly introduces the idea of “You could be better. Look at how great everyone else is doing. Here: take some self improvement content.”

True contentment occurs when you are able to prioritize what is important to you, and worry only about the right things. It’s hard, because for much of our lives, we are taught to value external influences so highly. Get the right grade, don’t disappoint your parents, join the right clubs, get the scholarship, get acceptance into the right school, join this competition, win that prize. It’s no wonder that we all grow up constantly fixated on external validation.

It makes me wonder what would happen if we organized our world and routine around internal validation. It’s harder, would probably be messier, hell, I don’t even know if it’s possible. But it’s a cool thought, isn’t it?

Either way, the theme is, as we grow up, we have to become our own center of gravity after years and years of being anchored to someone else. It’s similar to being an artist as well. Artists are often defined by their ability to march to the beat of their own drum. They’re seen as successful when they’re distinctive, when they say, “No,” to the world around them, and create their own world.

The truth is we’re all a little scared inside, and no number of pretty pictures on social media can convince anyone otherwise.

So, here’s to one more week in my 30-day challenge. The idea is: do it scared. We’re all going to look a little silly, and we’re all going to fail. You’ll never get better if you don’t. In the past week, I’ve beefed up my website, filmed content for a YouTube channel launch, applied to several open calls for artists, and created sketches for my new painting series. Here’s to making it happen. I’ll touch base again next week. ​​​