3 Rules for Peaceful Living

Reader. Oil paint on canvas pad. (2023)

I have to say, I’m getting used to it. 23 days into my 30 day journey to find myself, and I feel myself filling up the shell that I used to be. The shell that belonged to others, for them to project their ideas onto, their wants and wishes. I remember that once I felt as if I were a servant, always asking “what can I do for you?” in my head, hourly, sometimes by the minute, to others. I always wanted to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good employee, a good person. I thought that being a “good person” meant being good to others. Now I’m discovering that being a “good person” is also being good to yourself.

It’s easy to get caught up with the treadmill run of trying to be everything for everyone else. You feel like you’re doing a great job, you see the distance climbing higher on the machine, and you feel like you’re getting somewhere. 

However, only being good to others is just that– running on a treadmill. Learning to be good to yourself is getting off the treadmill and learning to explore on your own. Now you’re getting somewhere.

​I know a lot of people in my life right now that are on this same journey: the end of people pleasing. Or at least, that’s what the goal is. Who knows where we all end up? At the end of the day, we’re creatures of habit, and it’s easy to go right back to square one where you’re familiar and comfortable. Where you know the rules.

When you start something new, you have to learn new rules.

Here are some of the most important rules for myself right now.

Reader 2. Oil paint on canvas pad. (2023)

1. Make a cup of coffee in the morning.

Line Art Series 2. Ink drawing on paper. (2022).

This is particularly because I love coffee and I love making it. It helps me feel accomplished, and gives me something to look forward to every morning. It is also a small, inconsequential thing. It’s something that I can practice and get better at every day. I can change the amount or type of coffee, water, cream, milk, and sugar to get a different effect. One day brown sugar, another day sweetened vanilla syrup. Whole milk or 2%. Using a machine or a kettle and steeper.

Sounds boring, doesn’t it? Yet somehow, these tiny details add stability to my daily routine. When I don’t make the perfect cup of coffee, I drink it anyway, and say, “Well there’s always tomorrow.” And then I make a little plan for improving tomorrow’s cup of coffee.

The key is, if you want to give yourself a similar rule, find yourself ONE small item that you can tinker with every single morning. An item which you can pay excellent attention to, and that you can change in small, measured ways to bring yourself a pleasing result. Even better: it is your taste that you are catering to. You’re not making a cup of coffee for someone else, and guessing what they like. You’re tinkering with the recipe, tasting it, and pleasing yourself through an exercise in small, daily experimentation.

2. Follow the energy. What feels light is right.

I am currently building a life for myself that I love living. That’s the end goal. The end goal is NOT “be super successful, accomplished, and famous.” The goal is do what feels good and that can kinda, maybe, support you financially. At least one day.

So when I am working on my art, when I’m drawing and painting, and I start to feel frustrated and pressured, I take a step back. I tell myself: that’s not what this is for. I am not here to slave away at a canvas, stressed and anxious about the result, that same way I slaved away for another company, never quite able to gain the right level of approval I was looking for. No. I am here to decrease my stress, find my passion, and live. Live a life that feels good. 

So follow the energy. Focus on a day in a life that feels light, pleasurable, and sustainable. Live as if you could live this one day over and over again forever. Live a simple and content day, not an impressive day. I once read a quote that went somewhat like this:

“Big moments of happiness don’t feel any different than the small moments of happiness.”

​Meaning, whether you are partying up the big life on vacation in Paris, or at home with a cup of tea your favorite Netflix show, it’s all the same. That same happiness that blooms in your chest can be found on a simple Saturday afternoon, watching the sun peek out from behind the trees from your bedroom window in the morning. You don’t have to constantly chase some huge moment. You can find happiness close to home. And if you’re chasing, you’re probably not all that happy in the first place.

3. Consume content you find inspiring.

This is how you become the best version of yourself. You consume. In other words, you live. You can’t lock yourself away and expect to blossom and grow. So read books you love, even if they’re garbage, mind-numbing nonsense. Go on a walk outside, and really look around at where you are. Go to a new coffee shop, boba shop, or bakery. Talk to someone new, and learn about the world around you. Learn about the people around you. Find a new song. Learn a few words of a new language. Just do something new and different– gain that input.
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In order to be a great artist, you have to take in the world, digest it, and express what you feel about it. In my humble opinion, there’s a myth about an artist requiring solitude. That an artist has to hole themselves up in a dark room, ban all human contact and contents, and crank out some weird, unintelligible stuff. As if only in those conditions will they be able to create something truly “original” and great.

Washed Hat. Oil paint on stretched canvas. (2023)

But artists don’t have to be alone. In fact, I think artists are better for it when they belong to their community. 

If you’ll allow me to veer off on a tangent here, I’ve been thinking more and more about the concept of an “artist” and how it differs from a  “designer.” I promise there’s a point here that ties in, bear with me.

To me, being a designer is someone who creates a conversation between items in an environment whereas an artist creates a lone piece to dominate an environment. A designer belongs to their community, and serves their community. An artist exists outside of the community, and the community peers in at the artist, wondering what makes them so unique and different than everyone else.

“Art” often exists in a vacuum. It’s fine art, a painting on a big white wall, an image that dominates the viewer and the space. In fact, the viewer should ignore that the space exists altogether, and peer at the canvas like it’s a magical window to transport them into a new space. This is why museum walls are white, or another color to complement the artwork that hangs. The purpose is to remove the environment as much as possible, and to allow the artwork to dominate the space.​

A “design” is artwork which is informed of the space in which it exists, and works as only one piece of the puzzle. It allows the space to exist, acknowledges it, and has a conversation with the space it’s in. Think: a home area where all components in the home interact and come together. A designer made it that way. (Yes, you, even if you don’t consider yourself a designer. If you put thought into how all the pieces interact and work together, then I now deem thee, an honorary designer.)
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The rug is the right color, the lamps are the right shape, and the artwork, the “design” talks to these pieces, and they are cohesive together as one large piece. The artwork a designer uses does not dominate the space, it relates to the space. Things are softer this way.

Anyway, I think my rambling has come to an end. Those are my three rules to live by so far in life. I’m curious what you might think of this concept. If you want to chat, feel free to leave a comment or send me an email (or a text if we groove like that). Either way, moral of the story, I do love my little rules and outlook on life. I’m curious what tomorrow will bring me. See you next week. :-)
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