There’s been a lot of changes lately. And… I’m not entirely mad about it. This year has brought some crazy transitions and transformations into my life. Every second felt like a surprising reveal of what life has to offer me next. Quitting my job and spending a short sabbatical getting to know myself again, getting creative again, was one of my favorite experiences thus far in my life. Though all good things come to an end. Do they stay good though? I argue that they do. Three weeks ago, I started another full time job. But I argue that good things don't end or go away. They transform, and become something new. I’m finding time to create artwork in the small pockets of time I find throughout the day. I wanted to share some watercolor breakfast scenes I painted earlier this week. I have to admit, some small part of me felt like I was admitting defeat when I picked up another full time job. Though I didn’t realize how many areas of my life I really did find fulfillment in my previous job. It turns out, I didn’t completely hate the job itself. I hated how I was treated by the people I worked for. Crazy how much of a difference that makes, huh? Still, when I signed my job offer letter, I made myself a promise. I wouldn’t let go of art the way that I did with my previous job. While writing my CV a few months ago, the gaps between 2021 - 2024 stared back at me like an empty boutique of a once-loved shop. I won't let a year pass without painting again. I’ve been finding the time to paint recently in the evening hours. I keep a sketchbook by my bed, and last night, ventured downstairs to my art studio to make some watercolor paintings at 9:30PM. As someone who typically sleeps around 10PM or so, getting out of bed at 9:30PM was unheard of for me. My partner called out: "Where are you going?" in bewilderment. "I'm going to go paint," I said, and found my way down the stairs of our townhouse apartment. Still– I made some watercolors I love dearly. In the moment of painting them, I remember giving up in frustration, and heading back to bed filled with nervous energy reminiscent of my early childhood years when I would sketch on notebook paper with broken pencil tips. Though when I looked at the paintings the next morning, I saw some sort of promise they held. Some unmet potential. That's often how it goes. Hate it while in the process, then love it after taking a breath. Sometimes I like to think it's because there's this creative monster inside you, always yearning for more, for better, for something that doesn't exist in this world yet. Then, when you take space away from your work, that monster has already passed on to someone else, and you're able to visit your creation more honestly than with that dangerous critic around. I love these coffee scenes. Still, I can’t help but feel like I’m neglecting the figure painting portion of my practice. The biggest block for me with painting figures right now is finding a model. In the past, I’ve used myself as a model because I’m easily available. I would paint in front of mirrors, set up a camera and take a video or photo of different poses, and work between 2-3 references. But I can’t help but dislike the idea that viewers see me, Jennifer, rather than a symbolic figure. I don’t want viewers to view my paintings as self portraits. Instead, I want to paint emotion: bliss, ease, an exhale– Breathing. So much of my life was spent depicting the moment when the breath is held. Now I want to release it. But oil paint takes time, which I have very little of these days. In her place, I use watercolor instead. It’s quicker to set up, and allows me to stay creative. Perhaps after the busy season with my new job I’ll be able to pick up oil paints again. For now, I wanted to share some of my favorite watercolor paintings from the past week. Until next time. ♡
1 Comment
Kim
10/30/2024 06:42:37 pm
It can work! The job can serve as foundation to support your passion till the world finds you. Don’t stop creating, imagining, and painting.
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