Why "getting what you want" isn't the answer... and what is.

I’ve noticed that our values shift as we get older. Do you notice that too?

As a kid, you’re often interested in getting things. Chasing the next big idea, big achievement, something that will make you feel like you’ve “made it.”

At 16, that’s the perfect test score.

At 19, that’s getting into the perfect college.

Maybe it’s the perfect partner, right job, good friend group. It’s always get, get, get. Achieve, achieve, achieve.

​My 26th birthday was about a week ago. And I’ve noticed that what brings me greater fulfillment than getting. . .
. . .is giving.

​About two years ago I sat in a coffee shop with the latest romance book.  I sipped on a vanilla latte, and turned the page. Strangers bustled around, some moving fast- in and out- on their way in the world to the next thing on their agenda. Others lingered by the checkout counter to make small talk with the baristas. A couple near the front door pet their golden retriever laying its head by the owner’s feet.

This moment, right here, was my moment of contentment and peace amidst uncontrollable chaos.

It wasn’t chaos in the way others from the outside looking in could identify. In fact, they would probably call what I’m in now chaos, and call what I used to be in stability.

I’m referring to leaving my 9-5 to pursue my art career. Somehow, even while learning to balance this new lifestyle, I feel more stable inside my mind.

I remember the constant echoing, nagging, discontentment as I sat in a chair listening to customers complain about something that was out of either of our control. I restated the same scripts I’d stated for years prior. I went home, too drained to do anything. I ate. I slept. I woke up and did it all again.

I knew this life. It was a rhythm I understood, steps to a dance I learned, however uncomfortable the shoes.

This life was about getting. It was about chasing. It was about the next impressive skill or life event I could add to my resume, another amazing or entertaining story I could tell friends and family. It was about achievement.

But it was never about happiness.

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I heard once that we have a duty to find our life’s purpose and pursue that no matter the costs. I remember thinking: “What a privilege.”

And don’t get me wrong. It still is. I consider myself incredibly lucky to be able to pursue what matters most to me.

But as stated by Glennon Doyle in her book Untamed:

The braver I get, the luckier I get.

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Even after quitting my full time job, moving apartments for the second time within 3 months, I struggled to leave behind the mindset of chasing. Getting. Achieving.

I was in a constant whirlwind of doubt and fear. What if it doesn’t work? All because my thoughts were anchored by: you have to get it. 

And when you say “I have to get it,” that implies: you do not have it.
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I was living within a state of lacking, believing I was “less than” unless I was validated by the external world. It’s like I wanted some imaginary person, God herself perhaps, to say: You have it! You’re all good now.

What I didn’t realize is that we can give ourselves that feeling. We can accept that we already have everything we need within ourselves.

And when I started to deeply accept that over the course of several months, contentment set in. Peace set in.

The cup that holds my spirit began to feel full. I no longer felt the need to chase.

And when I let go of the thought “I have to get it,” a new one emerged. A much softer, kinder thought. “I love to give.”

I see my artwork as an opportunity to give. I want to give you the feeling of calm. I want to give you peace. I want to offer a reminder that hangs on your wall that says “I have everything I need right here inside me.”

So here’s to painting the small joys. 

I’d love to hear from you about what your small joy is. Send me an email with your favorite moment this week, or what you’re grateful for. 

As always, thank you for reading. Any amount you spend in this Small Joys corner with me is a gift. And for that, this humble artist says, “Thank you.”

With Love,

Jen

​email: [email protected]

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