After our coffee, Joseph and I decided to walk around and enjoy the rest of the shopping strip. I walked into a bare-bones boutique that was on the verge of closing down.There were a handful of beautiful original paintings hanging on the walls, but most items had already been packed up into neat boxes just around the corner, tucked into a concealed closet.
It’s the way of things. I reminded myself. We grow up, get older, the inevitable happens. I felt a lot of respect for that boutique owner, for what she had built. The woman at the check-out counter eventually asked me about my own artwork, which was mentioned off-hand during the conversation. I told her a story about lost and reclaimed childlike wonder. The Story:
This is my earliest happy memory. I told the women this story, and then told them that my goal with artwork is to celebrate those small moments, to bring back alive the childlike wonder we let go of as we get older. It got me thinking. Why do we ever let go of that childlike wonder in the first place? What happens throughout our lives when for one reason or another, however controllable or uncontrollable that reason, we let go of our passions and interests? When do leaves “dancing in the wind” start to look just like dead leaves on the pavement, or our favorite chocolate tastes just like any other chocolate bar? Here are three reasons why we let go of childlike wonder as we get older, and one way to get it back. Reason 1: Repetition of Lived Experiences Consider that you’re watching a movie for the first time. It makes sense that the first viewing experience is the best viewing experience compared to rewatches. You don’t know what’s going to happen, you’re getting to know the characters for the first time, and you don’t anticipate the twists in the story. The surprise, the shock– all of the emotions you feel during the first watch carry you through the rich viewing experience. Rewatches can be enjoyable, but they’re nowhere near the emotional richness of that first viewing. I’m sure we can all think of a movie we’d like to watch for the first time again. Apply this theory across all lived experiences– you’re essentially watching the “movie” of your life multiple times as you grow older. Coupling this with the fact that we, as humans, find safety within repeated habits which lessen the likeliness of seeking out new experiences, it’s easy to see how life can start to feel less “rich and vivid”-- We often get stuck watching reruns of our life.
Reason 2. Added Context In addition to repeating our lived experiences as we get older, we learn to understand added context to these experiences that “suck the initial magic” out of it which was first observed. For example, when I was a kid, I remember sitting in the backseat of the car while my parents drove us down a rainy road. Behind us, our grandparents followed closely behind us to our destination. I was about six years old or so, and turned around to peer out the rear-view window, waving “hello” to my grandmother behind the wheel. My dad, driving at the time, saw that I was trying to wave to them, and turned on the rear wipers to clear the rain from the window so that I could see them. As a kid, funnily enough, I thought that the rear windshield had been cleared in response to my hand waving. It was a really exciting and interesting moment for me. I continued waving rapidly at the windshield to see the wiper go back and forth again. My dad noticed, and turned the wiper on again. As a kid, it felt like magic– the response between my hand waving and the windshield wiper waving back at me. Now, in addition to how cute and silly this story is, you might imagine that as an adult I have added context. The wiper moving was a result of the driver flipping a control switch from the front of the car, more a response to the rain than in response to my hand waving. Even now several years in the future, the wiper might be prompted to wave as a result of a sensor sensing that rain has hit the windshield, and prompt it to begin clearing off the window.
We understand the science and engineering behind the event rather than “experiencing” it as magical. It’s one of the reasons being around children can be such an interesting and fun experience– like when my 10 year old niece raves about how much she loves the taste of red velvet cake. Having eaten red velvet cake for 20 years now, I can confidently say that I can’t muster up as much excitement as she can for the treat. We can reconnect with the magic we innately look past in a few ways: by grounding ourselves in the present moment, not bothering ourselves to wonder “what” or “why” something is occurring, and rather just enjoy it. Learning mindfulness and meditation is helpful for reconnecting with experience rather than the “why” behind it all. Reason 3. Newfound Priorities & Responsibility Experiencing joy is sometimes seen as something that becomes “irresponsible” as we get older. “I don’t have time for fun,” is a phrase I’ve heard once or twice. And don’t get me wrong, adults do have added stressors and responsibilities that make “having fun” more difficult to pencil into your schedule; however, experiencing joy is something separate from “fun.” “Fun” is short-lived, a small pocket of time where you go to an amusement park, or buy your new favorite game or gadget. It’s a trip to the shopping mall where you buy a number of items you’re excited to pull off the rack, but don’t know what to do with once you get home. “Fun” is not mindful and long lasting in the way that “joy” is mindful and long lasting. Joy is intentionally creating a life you don’t want to escape from.
As a child, we often find joy easier because we don’t have anyone else telling us that we need to be responsible and think of things that “matter.” Instead, we simply observe what matters to us, and gravitate towards it naturally. Childlike joy is taking our favorite color crayon to the wall because we want more of it in our life. Childlike joy is running around the living room singing our favorite song because everyone else needs to hear it too. Childlike joy is dancing like no one’s watching because we haven’t learned to be self-conscious yet, and because no one thinks to judge a child the way we learn to judge adults. The most important thing to understand as an adult trying to incorporate joy into our life again is to understand it as the necessity that it is. Not as something we want, but something we need. Something we have a responsibility for cultivating every day, something to maintain the same way we maintain our body’s hygiene.
Maintaining my joy means taking rest when I need it, and approaching things in my life with curiosity rather than judgment. What does maintaining joy’s hygiene look like for you? Reviving Childlike Joy It makes sense that childlike wonder gets a little lost as we get older– after all, it’s called “childlike” joy for a reason. That said, not all is lost. What we knew once can be remembered. For myself, I find the trick to reviving childlike wonder looks like finding my inner child and “holding her hand” in a way. When I notice something that she would have loved as a kid, I hold space for her to be alive inside me. I stand next to her like a friend, and let her have her joy. It’s important to be conscious of our learned biases and judgment towards ourselves about what our life should be life. There’s a lot of messaging in society that tells us joyfulness is naive or irresponsible. I couldn’t disagree more. Finding and maintaining joy is perhaps one of life’s most important pursuits, and perhaps the most responsible thing we could ever do for ourselves.
3 Comments
Gene Paul Hotaling
2/1/2025 04:16:17 pm
Hi Jennifer …. I loved this!! You are a good writer on top of all the other things you are great at! There’s a book by CS Lewis called “Finding Joy” he reiterates much of what you are saying…. He finds his answer in religion, which is easy to understand. Also, Thoreau, “ Where I lived and what I lived for” … you’re on to some pretty great stuff! This can change the world…!!!!.. but the dark side is strong.
Reply
Jen Carmiel
2/2/2025 07:01:02 am
AWE Thank you so much, Mr. Hotaling! I will definitely check out these books- they seem totally up my alley!
Reply
Marc
2/2/2025 11:59:01 am
In some life circumstances joy is easier to come by than in others - but it is never out of reach! Joy hygiene is an interesting concept, definitely one to closely watch and exercise routinely.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Author
Archives
February 2025
|